6 days until Christmas. This is when things get really fun at our house. Complete and total chaos, highly concentrated into one small address!

This morning I am grateful for my Mother. At the time of year when the world shows their collective ass- knocking each other over in the stores, honking and screaming at each other on the freeways, and comparing the size of their credit card bills to see who loves their kids the most- I am so grateful for the values and traditions that my Mother instilled in all of her children throughout the years.

Christmas has always been important to my family. On December 1rst the Nativity goes up alone. On the 15th, the tree would go up and Christmas activities would commence. We opened our advent calendar each day, we made cookies and cakes, we strung popcorn and cranberries and whatever else we could think of. We spent hours discussing our loved ones and what they would like or want, and then we spent hours making or finding the perfect gifts that would say "this is only for you!" We sang songs and laughed until we hurt. Christmas means joy in our family.

So now when I see the masses scrambling by me, cursing those "loved ones" that they are trying to shop for, screaming "get out of my way" instead of "Merry Christmas," I have to say thanks Mom... for giving me something deeper to hold onto. For giving me some kind of anchor to keep me from blowing away in the winds of bullshit! Thanks Mom, for teaching me the really important parts of life instead of focusing on the surface of things.

I've been browsing a few online advent calendars, and my son found this one for me.

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It's going to be a redneck Christmas... maybe he thought I was missing Arkansas!

I spent HOURS upon HOURS painting the coolest pic last night. When it was all done, my intention was to cover it in a very light coating of pearl white, to give it an ethereal glowing look. The pearl was a bit too thick, and though the pic came out pretty good... it's not what I wanted it to be, and now I have to repaint all the color on TOP of the pearl... basically starting over! I just want to bang my head repeatedly against the brick wall along our front porch!!!

So I guess that's what I'll be doing today... that among 5000 other things I have to accomplish. Where are the 78 hour days when I need them???

Today I am as proud as I can possibly be... not for one of my actual children, but for the 50 year old man I've adopted as one of my "kids."

Jim is one of the lot guys at work- a lot guy does things like sweep up the lot, pump propane, work on the car wash, and other general maintenance type things. Jim is an interesting man, he's seen and done a LOT in his lifetime, but he is prone to drinking binges and serious depression. We've been working together for over a year and have become good friends- my family are just about the only people Jim will connect with and trust in. Our daily conversations have been a sort of therapy for him.

There is a regular customer of ours that Jim has a serious thing for. They've half-flirted for a long while now... he even gave her a rose once. The problem is that she is absolutely beautiful, which truly intimidates Jim, even though it is obvious that she likes him too. Jim has been working on gaining the courage to ask this woman out for several months now, and his opportunity finally arose yesterday.

Jim had found the perfect Christmas gift for this lady, and we wrapped it in beautiful packaging with all the bells and whistles. Yesterday morning Jim showed up to work with the gift, and another beautiful rose, and we just waited all day. Right before I ended shift, she showed up. Poor Jim looked like he was going to throw up! He took his offerings out the pump where she was gassing up, and it was all I could do not to run out there with him just to hear what was going on! I missed a lot of their exchange due to customers, but it went well.

She loved the gifts- he even got two giant hugs out of it. The important thing is that he swallowed his fear and asked her out! And she said YES!!! This is a HUGE milestone for Jim... he took his first step out of his depression and defeat, and laid the very first stones down in his path to recovery. He is trying to connect with the world around him once again.

Yesterday gave Jim hope. Even if things do not work out with this woman, he's seen firsthand that if you open up to others, they will respond to you. He's seen that he CAN connect with others, he doesn't HAVE to sit home alone and isolated. I couldn't be prouder of him!!

There are boxes lining every wall of the living room and the studio, an artificial tree in pieces all over my kitchen, and the front porch is piled high with various holiday delights. Help me!

It's better than yesterday... yesterday everything was just piled high all over. It was an obstacle course everywhere you went. It was messy and difficult, and I was not a happy camper yesterday. But things are better this morning, and I may be ready to tackle decorations again soon... maybe... I'll make a final decision after a another cup of coffee and perhaps a donut. We'll see.

My attitude is much better today than it has been. Could be the chinese dinner we treated ourselves to last night, but I'd like to think it's all the hard work I've been doing on myself lately! Either way, today feels like a wonderful gift. I've started keeping track of what days I have... wonderful gifts or practical jokes. My goal is to will each one into a gift right off the bat each morning... to bypass my bipolarness -- I'm not sure that's a real word but let's go with it, it works.-- in a sense.

Life is not perfect, and it will not get any easier (unless you're someone like Donald Trump or Anna Nicole or the guy who created South Park). We create our surroundings by creating our version of what we see around us. Hardship... yes, work... yuck, bills... just what I needed, sibling rivalry... terrific! These things are here each day waiting for me -- they do not change, they are ever-present, ever-patient. The decision of change lies within me: who is going to show up to face these things? Will I show up to get through what's necessary so I can do what I love? Or will I show up already defeated and depressed before I've even begun? Each morning I have to decide which coat to put on.

All I know is that today, I changed my frame of mind and made my own day. Today is all that counts.

I work for a service & gas station. We were a BP/Amoco for a very long time. The last FOUR months we've had up signs that say "Conoco Coming Soon." Absolutely everyone has asked (repeatedly) when we're becoming a Conoco... the reply has ALWAYS been a constistant "November 29."

So on November 29, we became a Conoco. We used to be entirely green and yellow, now everything is red and white. Everywhere (and I mean everywhere) you look it says Conoco. The entire place is different, and yet...

On November 30, 17 people came in to yell at me because their BP credit cards would not work on our Conoco pumps. When I pointed out why they wouldn't work, the standard answer was, "Oh, well when did this happen?" These were NOT strangers who had not seen the signs up for FOUR months... they were regulars who not only saw the signs day in and day out, but many of them had asked about the changes themselves!

On December 1, 28 people did the same thing... two of them had been there the day before and did it AGAIN! On December 2, a total of 43 people didn't realize we had changed at all until they came in to complain!

Now tell me... how do you pull into a station that was always green and yellow and is now BRIGHT RED and white... says Conoco on absolutely EVERY surface... and NOT notice any change???

Are we all that unaware of life going on around us? Are we all that totally caught up in our own little bubble worlds that we don't even look around? We need to open our eyes a little wider, see a little deeper, and REALLY pay attention to things in our line of vision. If we miss something like an entire business changing hands right in front of us.... just imagine what else we might be missing. What important things does the universe have for us to pay attention to that we're totally oblivious to? It's time to WAKE UP!!!

When I was a little girl, my mother would buy me an advent calendar each holiday season. It was just a cardboard box with a tiny piece of crappy chocolate for each day counting down to Christmas Eve. Each year, I looked forward to getting that calendar more than anything else. I quit getting them sometime in my teens, and I quit seeing them in the stores.

This year while I was browsing through Walgreens, I saw them. I snatched them up and ran home with them with the biggest smile on my face. The kids looked at me like I was crazy, but I told them the story of grandma getting me a calendar every year and what that meant to me. Today the kids opened the first door on their calendar. The chocolate sucked. But the kids lit up as they ate it... already looking forward to tomorrow's crappy piece... and Christmas twinkled in their eyes.

There must be something very powerful behind our family traditions. Years upon years of honoring the same things over and over must feed it.. give it life... bring it into being. What powerful magick right under all of our noses!

This is only the beginning. December has just started, and my family is brimming over with traditions! Let the magick begin!!!